One of my dearest friends, R, was visiting this weekend! We had such a great time at the Appalachian v. Furman game (minus the ridiculously embarrassing loss) and even got to see Armanti Edwards come to watch the game with his family! We had quite the entertainment for the majority of the weekend – our dogs. I got a new puppy back in August, sweet Tinley, and R has had her dog for almost 3 years now. The two of them put on a pretty interesting show! Together, R and I usually find ourselves in some pretty serious heart to hearts. She has been a wonderful friend for over 8 years now and things always seem a little brighter when she is around J
She shared a quote from her mother with me a few weeks back – Love is not for wimps, it is for the COURAGEOUS. This has really stuck in my head because it is so true when you really think about it. The way we fall into relationships, exposing everything about ourselves to someone, sharing a life with someone, with no guarantees – and then to have it fall apart. The way we pick ourselves back up and do it all over again is pretty amazing. It takes courage, faith and love. Courage to put ourselves in a situation that is ultimately asking someone to judge us and has the potential to cause us a world of pain or a world of happiness. Faith in something bigger than us that there is a plan and that you are meant to find whatever it is that you are looking for. Love for yourself - because even though it is so over used, until you love you, you will never be able to share any kind love with someone else. We get so down on ourselves when a relationship ends, thinking the worst of ourselves, and playing the “poor me” card. R’s quote really helped me to remember this – I may be hurting, I may be sad and I may be discouraged but hell – look at me! I am courageous. After two serious relationships previously that didn’t work out, plus some short lived ones, I gave it all I had a third time, fell completely in love and found happiness. It didn’t matter that the previous two relationships hadn’t worked. And eventually I will weather this break up too. I will pick back up, meet someone new, and give it a try for a 4th time. A 5th time. A 6th time. That’s courage. And it is because I have faith in my plan and because I know I am on a journey to really love me.
She shared a quote from her mother with me a few weeks back – Love is not for wimps, it is for the COURAGEOUS. This has really stuck in my head because it is so true when you really think about it. The way we fall into relationships, exposing everything about ourselves to someone, sharing a life with someone, with no guarantees – and then to have it fall apart. The way we pick ourselves back up and do it all over again is pretty amazing. It takes courage, faith and love. Courage to put ourselves in a situation that is ultimately asking someone to judge us and has the potential to cause us a world of pain or a world of happiness. Faith in something bigger than us that there is a plan and that you are meant to find whatever it is that you are looking for. Love for yourself - because even though it is so over used, until you love you, you will never be able to share any kind love with someone else. We get so down on ourselves when a relationship ends, thinking the worst of ourselves, and playing the “poor me” card. R’s quote really helped me to remember this – I may be hurting, I may be sad and I may be discouraged but hell – look at me! I am courageous. After two serious relationships previously that didn’t work out, plus some short lived ones, I gave it all I had a third time, fell completely in love and found happiness. It didn’t matter that the previous two relationships hadn’t worked. And eventually I will weather this break up too. I will pick back up, meet someone new, and give it a try for a 4th time. A 5th time. A 6th time. That’s courage. And it is because I have faith in my plan and because I know I am on a journey to really love me.
I get really over-whelmed with jealously sometimes of people that found that special someone without having to deal with the woes of dating. Why them? Why me? In the course of a few minutes I can really funnel myself into a hole thinking of all the things that must be wrong with me in order to have been given this path – the one with all the break-ups. I make lists in my head of all the things I think I need to change, work on, and better about myself to make me more “marketable”. How ridiculous does that sound? (I know, I am not supposed to say that). Then, in the next few minutes I can smack myself silly, take a deep breath and repeat the following:
I am normal.
MOST people go through a handful of relationships before finding the one they want to spend their life with.
I have grown and learned from each of my relationships in so many positive ways.
There really is not a lot I need to change. What I need to change is how I, Collin, see myself.
I am deserving of love – and I am going to find it.
My day to day life is pretty great. I have my moments, I have my days, but overall – I am not in an office, or my bedroom wallowing all the time. I am, for the most part, happy. J That happiness is only going to continue to get better and better.
Five Truths:
1. I am much happier today than I was last Sunday.
2. For a split second this weekend – I thought to myself – I wish I could give my dog back to the shelter. Im horrible!!! I swear I love her.
3. Watched Crazy Stupid Love – my true celebrity crush always has been and always will be Ryan Gosling.
4. I want so badly – to not have to put myself out there to meet someone. I want it to just happen through a chance meeting. Is that too much to ask?
5. I still sleep with a blanket. Oh lord. Like a baby blanket. Oh lord. I am working on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment