I will be ME

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones. - Proverbs 14:30

This was in my weekly Women’s Devotional yesterday.  The timing of it really got my attention – because lord knows this is one of my BIGGEST struggles.  Why does the brain work the way it does? Such a broad question right? It seems like it is so much easier for us to believe bad than it is good. In life and in ourselves. Why would God create our minds to work in such a ridiculous way? I am sure there is some deep, prophetic explanation out there somewhere – but for me right now – the bottom line is that it F-ING SUCKS.  Sorry. I just don’t understand.  It makes me think of how we are so skeptical of people and things we don’t know – how many times have you been approached by a homeless person asking for $ or food and kept walking? Or seen someone you know could use some help and done nothing.  I feel like a lot of the time it is because we immediately think they are going to do bad things with whatever we give them. They have made decisions in their life that have put them in that situation and it is not my responsibility to care or help. We believe more in the bad than in the good.  We tend to be selfish over selfless. We judge people by their looks, the way they are “acting”, the car they drive, the clothes they wear, the way they talk – but do you really know them? Nope! Do you know their life story? Nope! Assuming is one of the worst things you can do. How many times does someone cut you off on the road, mess up when checking you out at a store, wear an outfit you personally don’t approve of, “act” a certain way that makes you turn to your friend or even just to yourself say “what an idiot!!!”. I’ve done it. Plenty of times.  Even though I am guilty of assuming and judging I do truly believe in some form of Karma. Do good things and good things will come to you. Treat people how you would want to be treated. Seems simple enough right? I think it is a challenge we all compete with our entire lives.

I completely got off topic there. Jealously is the issue at hand here.  This is what my devotional had to say about jealously:

Envy is rotten. Think for a moment about something that is rotten. It is putrid, decomposing, and decaying matter. It stinks. It makes one gag. We take steps immediately either to get away from the decomposing item or to remove the source of the stench. The next time envy creeps into your heart and mind, may I suggest that you do the following to remove the rancidness of envy:

Acknowledge envy as sin. The envious person is not just a victim; he or she bears responsibility. The failure to confess envy will only lead to more sin. Envy causes conflict with others; it travels with its cousin anger; it leads to depression; it manifests itself in gossiping; and it can even pull the trigger on murder.

Resist comparing yourself to others. One way to bolster our own poor self-esteem is by finding fault with others. But when we compare ourselves with others two things happen, and both are destructive. One, when we compare our strength to another person's weakness we become proud. Two, when we compare our weakness to another person's strength we become envious. Either way we lose.

Recognize God's goodness. Be grateful for what we already have. A myth has circulated since the beginning of time: I must have more to be happy. This view simply is not true. Instead of focusing on what we don't have, we need to remind ourselves of what we do have, giving thanks for God's graciousness in our lives. When we understand God's goodness in our lives, comparisons are meaningless.

All of these things are so much easier said than done and I am very aware of that.  I feel like I read bible verses’, quotes, psychological explanations and they all seem so simple. Here is what you do – so do it. But it is not that easy in the world we live in.

All I can promise is this:

I will try.

I will do my absolute best to be the best I can be. 

I will try hard to believe in myself.

I will try to be thankful for all the great things in my life.

I will fail.

I will have a bad day.

I will make a bad decision.

I will hurt someone.

I will help someone.

I will love.

I will be ME.

And at the end of the day – I hope more than anything – I will find a peace within my heart – and that the believeing in good will ALWAYS out weight  believing in bad. In life and in myself.

Five Truths:

1. I think it is so ridiculously hard to think you can "follow" the word of the bible and live a perfect life. (I know that is not what is truely expected of us, but it sometimes it seems like God is saying - Do these things and you will be happy all the time.)

2. I am so thankful for amazing friends who offer perspective and insight from a different point of view.

3. I think I focus too much of my time looking into the past and base too many of my thoughts on what has happened before. I heard somewhere this weekend - " if you keep looking in the re-view mirror, you will have an accident". Why is it so hard to forget the past?

4. LOVE LOVE LOVE the show " Two Broke Girls" - check it out!! :)

5. Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday. I love it because it kicks off the holiday season, the colors are beautiful ( oranges, browns, dark green, cranberry, etc.) and of course, most importantly, because I love foooooooood! :)