An opening in my soul

I feel like for a few years now I have been searching for something. Something to fill a void in my heart, an opening in my soul.  A boyfriend, a great new job, buying a home, getting a dog, finding a little more confidence – all of these things have come and gone – and yet none have allowed me sit back and think, “Ah, that’s it!”. It is hard to explain a desire for something when you don’t know what that something is. But you know you need it, you know you’re looking for it and you are hoping everyday you will know it when you find it. I have always thought it might be finding that special person I am meant to spend my life with, or finding a state of happiness where everything in my life seems to be great – that I will get that fulfilling feeling. But I have decided I have been spending way too much time waiting for someone or something to give it to me.

Sunday night I may have found what I am looking for.

A little background first – I grew up in a wonderful Non-denominational Disciples of Christ church where I was actively involved in youth group and had the opportunity to go on many retreats and attend many camps. These are some of my favorite childhood / early teenage memories. I have gone through periods where I feel my relationship with God has been at its best and I have surely gone through many a times where it is at its worst.  College was a time when exploring my faith was not a priority. Post College it became a way to meet people and feel a part of something. I found a small, sweet, eclectic church fairly soon after moving to Asheville and felt like I was getting on track to strengthening my relationship with God. When that church unfortunately fell apart due to lack of attendance and funds – I found myself putting it back in the closet for a while. Over the last year I have attended roughly 8-10 churches on my own, never finding one that felt like it was the right fit. A friend from college recently moved to the Asheville area and her story and journey of finding her joy in faith and love over the past few years has been an inspiration to me. The thought crossed my mind today that maybe the reason all of those churches didn’t “fit” is because I wasn’t ready to find a church yet. It wasn’t my time quite yet.

Well I feel my time is now. More than ever. I attended the Biltmore Baptist service Sunday evening with a few friends, including my new inspiration:) whether this turns out to be the right church for me or not, the praise and worship at the beginning of the service turned a switch in my soul. It literally brought me to tears. The words struck cords, the low lights and intimate feeling allowed me to just let the silent tears flow as the happiness in my heart grew tenfold. It brings an excitement that I have never felt before that maybe this is it! Maybe this is what I have been looking for and needing all along. A relationship with God, so beautiful and strong that is fills any and all voids.


 Maybe it was the baptisms going on on the big screen, maybe it was the rock like band with the colorful lights, maybe it was the talented voices of the singers or the out-going personality and powerful, relatable message from the Pastor. Whatever it is - I was sucked in. And I do not feel like letting go any time soon. Even today at work I felt "happier" than I have in a while. There may have been a little more pep in my step:) 

I want to believe that He has been preparing me for this all along. He has a path, He has a plan, and I am elated beyond words that I feel He has chosen now to be the time I make Him a priority. 


Thank you to a sweet sweet friend for the link to this wonderful song - pretty much my life summed up! :)

Five Truths:

1.       If I could have any talent – I wish that I could sing. Like really sing.

2.       Of all the things I want to work on in 2012 – personally – of highest priority behind my relationship with God, is the ability to deal with difficult relationships.

3.       I wish I knew how to build better confidence. I know there are not straight answers – but man I wish I could be as confident as those around me.

4.       One of many things I took away from Sunday’s sermon was whether I like it or not, I am at some point going to have to talk to my Dad about our issues.

5.       Week one of new years ‘bucket list” begins this week! ( LOL, basically because I didn’t do anything last week so I am not counting it!)