Happy Belated Thanksgiving! I know I for sure ate way more than anticipated – but who am I kidding, I say that every year!! J I did take the opportunity to run an 8K race on Thanksgiving morning so hopefully that counts for something!
I ran with a few fellow co-workers and even though they all smoked me - I am still pretty proud of myself! It is by far the most I have run since my days in the academy almost a year and a half ago. (Wow, has it been that long? I’ve truly blocked a lot of those memories so I sometimes forget even going through it! ) I signed up for a ½ marathon in February with one of best friends, B, so I still have a long ways to go!! I am also considering a triathlon, more specifically the Ramblin’ Rose. Another friend, R, and former PT instructor from BLET has been asking me for years now to do one with her. I like the idea of this one in particular because it is for women only. Not exactly sure how I would practice swimming – hahahha – I guess I just would hope my years of swim team would somehow magically come back to me!!
Work has taken over my life, physically and emotionally, these past two weeks. We have a certification test on Monday that everyone has been frantically studying for over the past few months. We have all begun to really hit walls because the amount of material is so overwhelming that it is even more nerve racking each day just trying to decide what to read over or study. Am I worried? Absolutely. I think deep down I am so scared to fail this exam – even though it doesn’t mean losing my job – for me, it will feel like yet another defeat. Another mark on my list of failures and disappointments. I feel like I am at a place in my life where I am desperate for success, accomplishment, fulfillment, happiness. The last thing I need to handle is failing this crap. But alas, I will get through it. I might pass and be elated! Hopefully being able to channel that success into being more confident and working on this crazy journey to being really really really happy, or, I will fail and in that case I will study hard and I will take it again. Oh well. ( ok – so that is really not exactly how I see it, but it is how I wish it was in my head. I am unfortunately never that positive or carefree when it comes to something like this, I usually anticipate failure.)
AHHHHHH!! BE POSTIVE COLLIN!!! WHY IS IT SO F-ING HARD?!?!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!
And take a few deep breaths.
New topic.
I am so ridiculously, unexplainably happy for my best friend B who is going to be having a BABY!! I told her the same night she told me about the pregnancy – that I had thought about this moment several times actually. That I knew it was coming at some point and I wondered how I would react / feel when it actually did. Not that in any way shape or form I wasn’t going to be happy for her, but she knows as well as I do, I have such an issue with comparing myself to other people and their lives, that it did cross my mind that this would be just one more thing to add to the list of things I want in life , that I have to watch all of my friends go through, accomplish etc, while I lag behind. Me being overly dramatic? Never. J But here is the thing – just like I have been writing about for weeks now – you can never really anticipate how you are going to react to something if it hasn’t happened to you before. When she turned around to me in that car and told me, it was an instantaneous rush of happiness, butterflies in my stomach, and the immediate thought – I love that child already! J She started crying, I started crying, and all in the span of 30 seconds it became crystal clear to me. This is going to be the single (or 1st of many depending on how many they have!) most important, significant, joyful, breathtaking, fulfilling, life changing, loving moment and experience of their lives. I am beyond excited for the two of them to share in this unbelievable journey. And the fact that I get to be a part of it? I am just overwhelmed with warmness in my heartJ June 19th cannot come fast enough!!! J
Five Truths:
1. I love my roommate for all of her Christmas decorations!! J
2. I am still – unable to go a whole day without thinking about him. Multiple times. Right now it feels like it really is more about the hurt and less about the idea of wanting him back.
3. Big Bang Theory is my new obsession! I am not kidding – I would probably really go for someone like Leonard J
4. This is what I made at work today! You get to wear it if you pass the exam!!
5. Found “Prancer” on DVD today and almost “duces tecumed” in my pants!! Best Christmas movie of all time!
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